Please Don't Leave Me
by Elsie and Carson forever xxx
Summary: Please don't leave me Disclaimer: I don't own these characters they belong to Julian Fellows. Spoilers from Series 3 Mr Carson finds himself in a tricky situation, should he stay at Downton Abbey with his beloved Elsie or should he fulfil a heartfelt family plea and support Lady Mary in a drastic move to Scotland.


**Please don't leave me**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters they belong to Julian Fellows.**

**Spoilers from Series 3**

**Mr Carson finds himself in a tricky situation, should he stay at Downton Abbey with his beloved Elsie or should he fulfil a heartfelt family plea and support Lady Mary in a drastic move to Scotland.**

**I have noticed that all my stories are pretty darn depressing. I do have a few happier ones brewing I promise ;)**

**Chapter 1**

It had been nearly a month since Matthew Crowley's death and the residence of Downton Abbey were still very much in a state of woe.

In particular Lady Mary; wracked in grief she was beyond recognition. Refusing to eat meals and finding it vastly impossible to sleep her eyes had become visibly deep and her body painfully frail.

Completely heartbroken she would only leave her room for merely an hour a day to spend time with baby, she had become unhealthy and reclusive immersed in a pool of grief.

Naturally and noticeably Lord Grantham was deeply concerned. Observing his daughters utter turmoil he decided to act on it the only way a loving father could, by doing anything possible to help ease her pain.

He came to the conclusion that by being under Downtown's roof it was only intensifying her distress, reminders of her previous life etched around every corner, ghosts of Matthew Crawley.

Mary needed to rest, she needed a distraction; a break from all the familiarities of life. It was imperative in order to get her mind back into prospective.

After careful consideration and much communication and debate between families a drastic decision had been made.

Lady Mary was to be sent to Scotland in a brave move to Duneagle Castle.

The choice had been made not to sell the Castle until Cousin Shrimpe and Susan returned from India feeling it was too much upheaval before the trip. They did however want to keep it occupied while they were away. After a detailed conversation with Lord Grantham they sympathetically decided that no one was more suited to take up residence than Lady Mary.

She was obviously in need of a good break and The MacClares were more than willing to help. After all Cora and Robert had so kindly offered to take care of Rose while they were away, it was the least they could do.

As a minister of the Foreign Office Shrimpe could be in India for a long time, he had been known to be absent on business for as long as a year.

It was consequently agreed that Lady Mary would stay for the duration of their visit, in the understanding that on their return the castle was to be sold. It was thought that it was a sufficient amount of time for her to recoup while they were away.

Rose had so very kindly offered her room while she was in occupancy to which Lady Mary had accepted gratefully.

Lord Grantham felt it was for the best. It would give Lady Mary some much needed fresh air and most importantly some greatly required bonding time with her babe. He could think of nowhere better to recover than the beauty of the Scottish Highlands.

Lady Mary was not to go alone; although they had an undisputable troop of staff at Duneagle Castle, Lord Grantham felt it was important to have familiar faces around.

A Ladies Maid was to be sent as well as a Nanny and of course Mr Carson. He was thought to be particularly close to Lady Mary and Lord Grantham felt content knowing he would be there. He respected him enormously and knew he valued Lady Mary as much as him.

When Lord Grantham had approached Mr Carson on the matter he had not given him any choice or warning of the move. Unlike with Sir Richard he was not faced with an option or preference. This time his presence was requested at Duneagel and that was that, it was not a disputable matter.

Lord Grantham had given him no speech of how much he will miss him, enforcing where his duty would lie.

Mr Carson the loyal butler that he was had agreed to the move, only with a heavy heart; last time he was asked to move away he was able to reject the offer and with much backing from the family. Lady Mary was to marry Sir Richard, a controlling, manipulative Newspaper Editor who didn't care for Lady Mary in the least. Sir Richard saw her as an opportunity to move up the social pecking order, almost blackmailing Lady Mary into marriage.

Mr Bates Ex-wife in a bitter quarrel over an entirely different matter had notified Sir Richard of the terrible scandal surrounding Downton Abbey, if it were to get out it would destroy the families name on colossal scale.

Sir Richard aware of this had brought the legal rights to the story and decided to use this to his advantage bribing Lady Mary into marriage. Lady Mary feeling responsible for the dishonour had therefore agreed to the partnership in order to protect the family name.

Never the less love can never be forced. Sir Richard inevitably knowing their relationship was not genuine had noticed the obvious and expected chemistry between Lady Mary and Matthew Crawley. Even though both were to be married to different suitors the attraction was undisputable.

Out of spite Sir Richard had asked Anna to spy on them. Anna was not impressed with this devious request so informed her boss Mr Carson directly. This was the last straw for the butler. Infuriated he was able to reject the offer of the move.

All the same, however angry he was over this revelation and however much he cared for Lady Mary, he had been looking for an excuse to decline the move from the very start.

He truly did not want to leave Downton Abbey the place he loved so well or Lord Grantham the man he respected immensely. But first and foremost he did not want to be separated from his dear Mrs Hughes. He could not bare the thought of being away from her for such a long period of time, it pained him greatly.

The move to Scotland concerned him even more so. This could only be the beginning of an end for their affections. The distance was too vast and he felt if he was forced to go here what would be asked of him in the future, would he always be bound to Lady Mary's every move, would he never return to Downton?

He respected Mary and loved her like the daughter he never had, only he understood deep down she was not his legitimate daughter. A comment had always laid hard on his chest. On his refusal to move in with her and Sir Richard he had overheard a bitter remark she had once held 'Butlers will be two a penny now their back from the war'.

Lady Mary always commented on issues without wholeheartedly thinking things through first. She didn't actually mean what she said never the less it still stung Mr Carson to the core. He was a sensitive man under his stern façade and it was an eye opener to his position in the family.

Mrs Hughes however was not two a penny and he feared losing her.

He had loved her for as long as he could remember, ever since her first weeks at Downton. She had come in like a whirl wind, her presence making an immediate impact on him. With bundles of confidence, a wicked sense of humour and my word that Scottish accent she melted his heart immediately.

What he respected the most however was her complete commitment to her job, she was dedicated and hard working a trait Mr Carson greatly admired in a person.

Showing promise and impressing both Mr Carson and the family she was soon promoted to Housekeeper of Downton Abbey and this was where their relationship really began to blossom. Almost becoming man and wife they ran the vicinity to utter precision, organising and delegating efficiently they were a strong and competent team.

The chemistry was evident for all to see. At the end of an evening they would always wind down with a glass of wine or cup of tea together while discussing the days events- small pleasures. It was the highlight of both of their days when they could relax, really be themselves and enjoy each other's company.

They found one other incredibly attractive, only they never could or never did take it any further, their work always took the highest priority no matter how much they wanted and craved one another. It was not the done thing to do and they were aware of this. They respected each other immensely for their restraint only making their relationship stronger- an unspoken and truly valued love.

Therefore tonight it pained Mr Carson gravely with what he would have to say to her, finding the right words scolded him deeply. Even though nothing had happened between them they had a mutual understanding of their relationship. Celibacy didn't make their love any less important.

Inviting her to his pantry for a glass of wine as usual he would inform her tonight. He needed to tell her as soon as possible, he wasn't given much notice, in less than a week he was to be in Scotland far away from his true love, he had to tell her sooner rather than later, they had to enjoy what time they had left together.

He found himself procrastinating while he waited for her presence, _isn't it an ironic situation, to move only an hour away from where she was brought up, so close and yet so far away, such a cruel twist of fate. _

Mrs Hughes entered his parlour like any other night, with a knock and a smile.

Mr Carson jumped at her presence shaking him from his thoughts 'Ahh Mrs Hughes do come in'

Mr Carson was sitting down nervously. He was fidgety and restless, unable to control his every move.

He began to poor two glasses of wine as he did every night only tonight he was nervous and much shakier than normal, he always had such a steady hand, a traits of a respectable butler. This had not escaped Mrs Hughes notice, he looked edgy, like something was eating him up.

_This really wasn't like him_ thought Mrs Hughes perplexed. Nothing could get passed her, she knew only too when something was wrong with him.

Finding it fascinating and if she was honest with herself slightly amusing she asked with a mild smirk 'Mr Carson you look agitated; for goodness sake tell me what's on your mind before you give yourself a stroke.'

Mr Carson kicking himself at being so obvious, gave a small grumble, the news really did infuriate him so, he didn't want to leave her and he knew he was about to break her heart. However holding the upmost respect towards her he took a deeply pained breath, he could not hold onto it any longer, he had always found it hard to keep secrets from her, she had a way with her that made him talk and she had a right to know, with a wounded expression he began;

'Mrs Hughes, I don't really know how to tell you this'

His tone had become much more impersonal much more serious, Mrs Hughes realising this was no laughing matter looked up at him with curious eyes awaiting the blow.

'I regret to inform you Mrs Hughes that it has been asked of me to transfer.'

Mrs Hughes took a deep intake of breath at the shock like someone had punched her in the stomach winding her of all her breath. Feeling the sudden emotion instantly building up inside her she stumbled puzzled at the news;

'But why I don't understand?'

Mr Carson continued in a firm tone, feeling he could mask his emotions if he was frank and detached. It made it easier for him to deal with. He began 'Lady Mary is to move to Duneagle Castle while the MacClares are away ' he continued to explain the story as he had done a thousand time in practice in front of the mirror; well rehearsed, clear and concise, severely disconnected from his emotions. Daggers being pierced inside Elsie's soul with every word.

She began to play with her hands nervously, her eyes darted from side to side, her whole body collapsed in on itself as she tried in vain to hide the hurt of losing him once more to this conceited woman.

Anger taking over, jealousy for Lady Mary boiling forcefully within she spat out rather uncharacteristically 'Forgive my impertinence but she says jump and you say how high Mr Carson?'

Even Mrs Hughes was shocked at her sudden outburst, but she could not let precious darling Mary take Mr Carson once more. She was aware of the turmoil she was under but who hasn't faced a tragedy like this. Mrs Hughes most certainly had, She had lost both her mother and father within a few months of each other several years ago and this had hurt her deeply, but she got through it, only taking time off for the funerals she carried on as usual, she kept calm and carried on, that was what was expected of the English of the servants.

Why did everything have to revolve around Lady Mary? She was selfish, no care for anyone else, little did the _oh so wonderful Mary_ realise that Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson had been mourning the fateful death of their love for years.

Mrs Hughes undoubtedly didn't worship the ground Lady Mary walked on like Mr Carson. Proved in the fact that he had once stated that the Granthams were their family which infuriated Mrs Hughes to the core. Mrs. Hughes had flatly disputed this, 'they are not our family' she had emphasised.

Mrs Hughes couldn't help feeling like herself and Mr Carson could best be described as dogs, having to obey their masters every wish or else they could be thrown out on the street at any given time. Never free to have a personality or a relationship of their own, bound to their leaders for all eternity.

Don't get me wrong she did enjoy her job as much as a woman could in those days. But she was perfectly aware it was a necessity in order to live. She worked to live not lived to work, if she could have a different life she would have in an instant. A life that would involve her and Mr Carson.

Mr Carson replied solemnly 'Mrs Hughes I didn't have a choice in the matter.'

Elsie knew this deep down, overcome with emotion she didn't mean to say or think the dreadful things she did. With a shame for what she had just said, what she had just thought. With the shock at inevitably losing her love she placed her hand to her mouth and wept, feeling rather embarrassed and frankly wanting to remove herself from the situation.

'Would you mind if I were to excuse myself?'

Mr Carson all so aware of what had got her down however trying not to face up to the reality or to come to terms with his feeling he thoughtlessly and harshly replied;

'Are you not quite well Mrs Hughes?'

This sent Elsies thoughts into chaos, had she really been so stupid, so foolish over the years to really think that there had been something between them, that there was a special bond there. That this was what they called love? Did the fact they would be separated not bother him at all, was it not hurting him as much as her? Clearly she was mad woman to have even thought so.

'Obviously not Mr Carson' she spat in a rage of fury.

With this she began to cry wearily.

Sat in a chair on opposite sides of a table, she bowed her head to the floor dejectedly. How could this happen? How could life be so cruel?

It broke Mr Carson's heart seeing her look so deflated, so out of character. With an overwhelming urge to comfort her he gently and bravely placed his hands on top of hers, lightly, tenderly, supportively. A touch Mrs Hughes had so greatly craved.

Emotions running high, he needed to say something to make her realise he wasn't such a dispassionate bastard; he did feel for her, immensely, more so than she could ever imagine. But he had to stay professional, it would only make it harder if he let his guard down now. He was needed at Duneagle, the family needed him. In this world Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes could never be. This was not a fairy-tale, this was real life and desire could not override reality.

He decided practically that he had to let her know without taking it too far. He needed her to see he cared about her but subtly he couldn't overstep the mark. He said the only thing that was in his heart as he brushed the side of her face;

'I will miss you too Mrs Hughes, deeply.'

Mrs Hughes breath deepened at the physical contact, the, words she wanted to hear, she looked at him gently, meeting eye as she crave the kiss she had so greatly desired.

'Don't leave me' she whispered.

Mr Carson felt like he would collapse aching from the pain. He crumbled just for a moment, looking at her tenderly, how he wished things were different.

Both mutually craving one another, wanting, so close and yet so far away they yearned for the kiss, the touch that was so agonizingly overdue.

'No we can't do this' Mr Carson broke free harshly. 'Mrs Hughes Please we can't it will only make it harder for us both, you know we can't, the family our work must come first' he breathed in his tears at the frustration as he bashed his fist forcefully on the table in defeat; 'how I wish things were different believe me.'

Heartbroken tears began to trickle down her face, tears for the man she wanted so dearly who she just couldn't have. He needed her as much as she needed him. Just to be kissed, to be loved, to be held for the smallest of moments. But that was never to be.

'You must think me an unkind man' mr carson wept losing eye contact as he shoke his head in torment and wiped a tear forcefully from his cheek.

Mrs Hughes swallowed her grief and nodded her head tearfully, but with a tender tone, one of pure devotion she replied;

'Thoughtless sometimes Mr Carson, unkind never. I respect you, you're a nicer and stronger person than I could ever be, commitment should never be mistaken for cruelness, I'm just a selfish woman Mr Carson and I can't help wishing things were different too. One day maybe in a different life.'

Mr Carson looked into her eyes painfully once more, she was beautiful in every way and by no means selfish; she always thought of other before herself, Ethel was a prime example, risking her job in order to feed a helpless child and a mother. She was a wonderful woman and he had broken her heart in the cruellest of ways. How he wanted her. How he wanted to console her, to apologise, to love her fondly.

Mr Carson met her eye one last time, lost in the moment, he wanted the kiss her as much she wanted him.

But this time saving him from the pain from the torture, Mrs Hughes broke away herself. She turned her back strongly, standing up straight as she tried to regain her composure. Rejecting him making her way to the door harshly, gradually her posture began to wilt. Placing her hands to her heart she collapsed on the doorframe, sinking into it broken woman, her eyes held shut in agony.

With an overwhelming desire, knowing she shouldn't say it, but if she never did now when would she? She couldn't leave it like this. Swallowing her pain she whispered broken heartedly, loyally, 'I will always love you Mr Carson, always.'

With that she headed out of the room a shadow of the woman she once was leaving behind her strong scent of lavender in the process, a ghost of the love that was never to be.


End file.
